AARP Magazine Editor Steven Sloan says that growing up is a choice; I agree. He goes on to say that the journey to maturity begins with identifying values and acting accordingly. I can concur with this explanation if he means to include childhood values. I will expand on this point by identifying some childhood values that, from my perspective, contrast with adult values, and use an example from my adult life to distinguish these values.
Several characteristic values of childhood come to mind: honesty, spontaneity, self-confidence, a trusting nature, eagerness to learn, openness to new experiences, and a desire to have fun. These childhood values often change with age and experience. Adults often list their growing responsibilities to explain why they can no longer be spontaneous. After suffering criticism, harm or rejection multiple times in life, some adults lose their trusting nature and become overly cautious in dealing with other people. The fear of being criticized leads some to put up a false façade, hide their feelings and not be honest about their real nature. Some adults equate maturity with knowing all the answers or the best method of doing everything, so they stop seeking to learn. Some adults lose their self-confidence to the point where they seek out self-help books, such as I’m OK, Your OK, to reassure them. Often in adulthood, the idea of having fun is lost or seems antithetic to the overpowering world of work.
Childhood responsibilities include learning how to play, learning about life, learning how to interact with other children and adults in various settings, and learning right from wrong. It seems to me that one becomes a well-adjusted and mature grown-up by mastering the values and responsibilities of childhood and carrying them into adult life where responsibilities extend beyond ones self.
An example to illustrate my premise occurred on Halloween about 1990. At that time I was working the day shift in the outpatient clinic at UC Davis’ Cowell Student Health Center. As Halloween was approaching, a fellow nurse suggested that we turn our clinic into Christmas-land, complete with Santa and his elves. I brought a Santa-suit that we took turns wearing throughout the day. The rest of the team wore red tights and red turtle neck shirts, with large green garbage bags cut out to drape over our red outfits. We each made our own elf slippers with turned-up toes and bells, as well as green elf hats. We set the mood in our clinic through seasonal decorations and by playing Christmas music softly in the background throughout the day.
The average age of the outpatient nurses at that time was about 50 years old. Because our clients were college students who were generally not extremely ill, we felt confident they would be amused on that Halloween by being seen in the decorated clinic with the senior nurses dressed as elves. We were sadly disappointed! Not even one of our patients acknowledged or even seemed to notice our decorations and costumes. They blandly interacted with us as though we were dressed in our usual white uniforms.
We all thoroughly enjoyed bringing the childhood values of playfulness and whimsy into our adult work lives, but we were very surprised to see that all of the students seemed to have left those values behind. In attempting to show their maturity, they seemed to show only serious adult values; they were so overwhelmed by the stress of their student life and so cautious to present themselves as mature that they closed themselves off from the fun of the day.
I believe that, in order to mature successfully, we must retain as many of our childhood values as possible and incorporate them into our everyday adult lives.
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