Two Special People: Carol and Jim (March 9, 2007)

Carol (Cow) and Jim (Farmer) [far left] at Katie & Stephen's wedding (10/05/05)

Carol presents Nola with Red boxing gloves to help her fight cancer; taken at the infusion center at Nola's first chemo treatment (6/11/10). The gloves accompanied Nola for every treatment.

   

   In spring 1977 David and I attended a Marriage Encounter Weekend in Sacramento.  It was an educational activity to help happily married couples promote marriage and strengthen their loving relationships.  When the activity ended, Marriage Encounter members who had previously graduated welcomed us into the Marriage Encounter Family.  Carol and Jim White were among those warm and friendly greeters.

     About the same time David had met Pauline Callahan at work on the UC Davis campus.  Pauline was a widow and David introduced me to her.  My Dad was a widower and I asked if she might be interested in meeting him.  She said she wasn’t looking for a husband, and I assured her Dad wasn’t looking for a wife. But I asked her if she would enjoy meeting him to go out once in a while.  She said she would. 

     They had many things in common and their budding relationship culminated in marriage on December 26th that year.  Pauline told me she had three sons who lived in New York and a daughter (Carol White) who lived with her husband Jim and family in Sacramento. 

   “By any chance did Carol and Jim go to Marriage Encounter?” I asked.  “They certainly did!” she exclaimed.  Before long, I realized our new found friends would soon be relatives.  I was at last going to have the sister I had always wanted. 

    Carol and Jim’s two daughters were the same ages as our two daughters.  Their Melissa and our Kate were both 6; their Noelle and our Kelly were both 12. Their son Chris and our William were both 10.  Their oldest son James Jr. was 14, and our youngest son Tom was 8. We made a wonderful blended family.  We all had many similar experiences and the same family values, and we enjoyed spending time together.

     Although my dad died in May 1978, our bond with the White family continued.  Since then, our families have shared many joys and sorrows together.  We have celebrated marriages and grandchildren and grieved over the children’s drug and alcohol problems and jail time.  We have also rejoiced when there was rehabilitation. 

     Carol decided to go to college when she was fifty and continued on until she received a master’s degree in social work.  After graduation she secured a wonderful job working for the Sierra Adoption Agency, helping to place children with challenging problems.  It has been a very rewarding career for her.

     A big blow hit the Whites in 2001 when Carol was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  It was her first personal experience with hospitalization, a very hard way to enter the health care system.  Jim spent hours researching the disease, which made him very fearful of losing Carol.  She put up a strong battle and continued cancer-free for the next five years.  Jim stood by her side every step of the way. 

     Despite these health problems, Carol and Jim continued working together to help their children through many personal problems.  By this time Carol and Jim had five well-loved grandchildren, who were all born out of wedlock.  They raised three of them in their home and supported all of them through their growing years.  Three of their children had been deeply involved in drugs and alcohol.  One son suffers from schizophrenia.  Despite these many problems, they were always supportive of these troubled kids, as well as of each other.

      Both came from New York; Carol grew up in a loving family but, as an infant, Jim was placed by his mother in an orphanage.  His grandmother took him out of the orphanage when he was four and raised him.  She was a severe alcoholic and a stern disciplinarian.  Although his growing years were difficult, he knew what he wanted in a family and never lost sight of that in raising his own children and grandchildren.

 

     After a five-year remission, Carol’s ovarian cancer recurred in early 2006.  The doctor told her she would probably live another seven years.  In June 2006, Jim was diagnosed with esophageal cancer.  By December the cancer had metastasized throughout his body.  He died February 21^st on his 69^th birthday.  At his funeral we all gathered to pay tribute to a man who believed in love and who constantly gave of himself to his family and friends.

     Carol is suffering though a difficult time now, but she is a very strong and loving person. One of her grown children and one grandson currently live with her.  A day does not go by without one or more of the kids and grandkids stopping by.  They know where their best source of love comes from.

     How fortunate I have been to have such a special sister and brother-in-law.