I had a wonderful four-hour visit with our dear friend and classmate Margaret Shelly on Monday this week. While visiting, I read her the stories from our last class. The week before my visit, Margaret had been newly diagnosed with shingles in her eye. Not only is this medical condition exceedingly painful, but it also makes reading difficult. She enthusiastically nodded “Yes” when I asked if she would like me to read the stories. She loved them all and laughed enthusiastically when I came to any humorous sections. Her hospice nurse, who visited while I was there, said Margaret was doing exceedingly well and would return to our writing class as soon as she felt a little stronger.
In late spring of last year Margaret was given the diagnosis of ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis) or, as it is commonly known, “Lou Gehrig’s Disease.” She had long suspected she had it; her mother-in-law had ALS years ago, and she saw similarities between her relative’s symptoms and her own. Margaret knows ALS is a terminal illness and, of course, has suffered grief for having such a diagnosis. But instead of crawling into a dark hole, Margaret has grabbed on to life with both hands and she must have said, “I’m not dead yet; might as well keep on living the fullest life I can to the end.” That is exactly what she has been doing. Of course, sometimes she asks, “Why me?” “Why couldn’t I just have had a massive heart attack and died suddenly?”
Coming to terms with the potential death of a loved one is no easier than facing our own mortality. But if you really want to learn how to live, as I wrote in an earlier paper on working with hospice, just spend time with people who have a terminal illness.
We all have a tendency to put off until tomorrow what we should do today. If someone tells you your time is limited, it can inspire you to do those things you find most rewarding in life and let go of the other things.
I am sure those of you who have the pleasure of knowing Margaret will agree that to know her feels like you have been touched by an angel. She has an angel’s smile and her eyes twinkle like the stars. She loves the colors purple and blue. She has beautiful blond hair, with a strawberry cast, and a wonderful hairdresser, who has been a friend of Margaret’s for years. That wonderful woman spent hours making decorations and then decorating the hall for Margaret’s 80th birthday celebration. In fact, because Margaret has so many friends, the hospice nurse said they didn’t even need a lay volunteer to visit Margaret; it would have been hard to work one into Margaret’s busy schedule.
I met Margaret for the first time in our writing class. I knew the minute I met her that she is one of those special people God sends to earth to bring joy and happiness to the world. I remember saying to myself, “Now this is a lady who lights up a room by just being in it.” She is a natural caregiver, a lover of humanity; she takes great pleasure in laughter and loves to share it with everyone around her. The minute you meet her, you feel like you have known her for years. She makes you feel comfortable and cared for.
Margaret has spent her life doing for other people. I hope you will get a chance to read Margaret’s Memories, which is a compilation of the stories she has written for this class over the past six years. Through them you can share in her joys as well as her sorrows, and come away knowing you have been blessed to know such a wonderful person.
She confided in me the other day that she is distressed to be causing stress, due to her illness, in the lives of her family and friends. I told her that, in fact, she is providing joy to them by letting those who care about her give care back to her, just as she has done and continues to do for all those around her. There are few joys greater in life than having the opportunity to give back to a giver, and it is a pleasure being in the company of a warm and wonderful friend!
Two verse quotes from Margaret’s Memories:
I’ve shut the door on yesterday and thrown the key away.
Tomorrow holds no fears for me since I have found today.
Give me a sense of humor, Lord.
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some pleasure out of life
And pass it on to other folk.
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